Welcome to Coinsauce's weekly roundup, where we serve up all the sizzling crypto news in a concise, spam-free and informative dish! Don't let everyday work get in the way of keeping up with the cryptoverse - let us bring the hottest events and happenings straight to your inbox 📩

Yet another thrilling and bullish week for crypto comes to pass 🙌 From USA CPI numbers coming in better than expected & the Ethereum Shanghai update now in the rear-view mirror, a lot has happened over the past 7 days.

This week in crypto:👇

1. Busy week for hackers - Bitrue, GDAC, Yearnfinance and SushiSwap exploited for millions 😓

2. Diamond hands Vs Paper hands - Microstrategy’s bitcoin holdings turn green, while Tesla misses out on $500 million gains 🙈

3. Inching closer to TradFi acceptance - London Stock Exchange opens doors to Bitcoin derivatives 🙏

4. SocialFi - eToro and Twitter make trading more accessible with new integration 💯

5. FTX plans a reboot - A steep road ahead 🚧

6. Bullish sentiments take over - CPI & Shapella send crypto prices soaring 🚀

DeFi under attack with multiple wallets exploited 👀

From hot wallet hacks, to flash loan attacks and even bugs inserted in the approval function, hackers surely managed to come up with creative ways to exploit over ~$50 million in just a single week!

Here’s a list of the unfortunate victims of the exploit 👇

• Sushiswap exploited for $3.2 million (0xsifu’s wallet drained using a bug in the approval function)

• South Korean exchange GDAC exploited for ~13 million (Hot wallet exploit)

• Bitrue exchange exploited for ~24.2 million (Hot wallet exploit)

• Yearn Finance exploited for ~$11 million in a flash loan attack. (Occurred via Aave v1)

We are running out of creative ways to promote self custody, so here we are again, trying to promote safer storage practices using our infamous rhymes!

“If self-custody is what you seek, secure your keys, or your crypto's weak.

Your private key is your treasure map. Guard it well, or face the hacker's trap!” 🎤

Microstrategy holds, while Tesla folds ♠️

A tale of 2 tech giants buying bitcoin, but ending up with different results!

As bitcoin soared above $30,000 this week, Microstrategy saw it’s 140,000 BTC holdings turn profitable once again 💪 On the other hand, Tesla missed out on potentially $500 million in gains, after infamously dumping $936 million worth of bitcoin in Q2, 2022, to secure $64 million in profits back in the day.

Overall, Tesla has made roughly $165 million in profit from two separate Bitcoin sales. As of April 14, it sits atop an unrealized loss of around $56.6 million on its remaining BTC holdings 😓 The electric carmaker would have made over $500 million if it had waited until today to sell 🙈(Somewhere in a parallel universe, we hope!)

Fun Fact - Did you know that if you purchased an equivalent amount of $BTC everyday after the $69,000 peak in November 2022, your holdings would be currently 17% in profit!

Bitcoin derivatives get green light from London Stock Exchange ✅

The United Kingdom will see its first centrally cleared trading venue for digital asset derivatives due to a partnership between a London Stock Exchange Group (LSEG) and trading startup Global Futures and Options (GFO-X) 💪

LCH, the clearinghouse arm of LSE will offer clearing services for cash-settled bitcoin index futures and options and finalize trades made on GFO-X. The services are planned to launch in as early as Q4 of this year!

While such news can fly off the radar rather easily during a bear market, the implications of this are rather huge and cannot be ignored! The move represents the latest foray by traditional finance players into the crypto market, giving further legitimacy to the industry ❗

The Twitter-crypto romance deepens with eToro integration 🙌

In an attempt to make twitter into an “everything app” and make the social media giant more profitable, twitter integrated with social trading firm eToro, allowing its massive user base to trade and invest in crypto and stocks directly from the platform 📲

Even in the past, twitter has been no stranger to crypto, as not long ago, we saw its iconic bird logo being temporarily replaced with the dogecoin logo, causing speculators to go in a frenzy, and the price of $DOGE to shoot up by 30% in a matter of hours! (The Elon Effect! 😎)

Thanks to the integration, now, if users search for a token on Twitter (eg. $BTC), they can see a button saying “View on eToro,” which redirects to the site. Notably, when cashtags were announced in December, Twitter showed a “View on Robinhood button” before.

For real though, isn’t Elon Musk like a real-life Tony Stark, with his larger-than-life personality and endless ambitions? Who knows what he'll do next!

Reality check? Assessing the viability of an FTX reboot 🔄

FTX debtors received a glimmer of hope recently as it was announced that over $7.3 billion in liquid assets had been recovered and a potential reboot of the exchange was possible sometime in Q2, 2024.

However, reality seems to be much more complicated 😪 The total money recovered includes $2 billion in cash, and $4.3 billion in ‘liquid’ cryptocurrencies. “Liquid” in this context refers to tokens with a market capitalization of $15 million with $1 million in daily volume over a month. Currently a market cap of $15 million would place a coin at approximately the 700th rank on CoinMarketCap, suggesting that liquidating some of these assets may be difficult without a significant price impact 🤷‍♂️ As they say, easier said than sold!

Anyway, we seriously wonder who would be foolish enough to trust the exchange once again after everything that has transpired 😅 We hope and pray you are not one of them. (Hardware wallets my friends, hardware wallets!)

Bitcoin and Ethereum rally as alt-coins buckle up for a ride as well!

Bullish sentiments engulfed the crypto markets, driven mainly by lower than expected CPI numbers & the Ethereum’s successful Shapella update! Bitcoin inched closer towards $31,000, while Ethereum bulls tried hard to sustain the price over the psychologically important $2,000 level 🚀

With the bitcoin dominance being rejected around the 49% mark, alt-coins are finally catching up to the gains. Investors are looking to rotate their capital into riskier assets in search of higher alpha, causing the prices of alts to surge.

The fear and greed index is inching towards extreme greed, and funding rates also continue to rise. But before you throw your hands up in the air and scream, "Take my money!", remember to buckle up and prioritize risk management! Stay cautious and trade safe!

Meme of the day

Newbies entering crypto in FOMO 🤣 

And that's a wrap for this week's crypto recap 🎬 We hope you found the highlights informative and engaging. Don't forget to subscribe to Coinsauce on Instagram and Twiter to stay up-to-date with all the breaking news in the world of digital assets 💻 Until next time, keep hodling, keep trading, and stay informed!

Disclaimer: This newsletter is for educational purposes only and does not constitute financial advice or an offer to buy or sell assets. You must exercise caution and conduct your research before making any financial decisions.